NEW BEGINNINGS

by Shoshana Kurzweil

A lesson I learned that cries to me "TELL":
You can hear it and see it, yet not learn it well,
And it seems that this lesson I thought I had known,
Needed more teaching till it was my own.
I needed a healing; much help and protection,
And ran to my loved ones and friends for direction.
I needed now life. The old one was dead,
And I found many incomplete answers instead.
Where was my mind, that I could expect,
That anyone other than God resurrects?
Where was my heart, that I could believe,
That anyone other than God could relieve,
The pain and confusion, the memories risen?
The trauma, the sickness, the stench of my prison?
Again and again, the lessons have come,
And yet, when I hurt, I'd still turn to some "ONE"
A person can soothe, give you comfort and aid,
But only by GOD are the miracles made.
And miracles are what I need when I'm lost,
When I can't find my way, when I can't pay the cost.
PEOPLE; they love me, they help me, they try,
But people are flesh, and flesh only dies.
Flesh only goes to a limit ... then ends.
But, GOD has no limit, unlike other friends.
They can cry for me, try for me, die for me, pray,
But then God must take me the rest of the way.
And He DID ... In a moment, an hour of heaven.
He cleared out the barriers, purged out the leaven,
Fused our connection and through it, poured LIFE,
Until I could rise up renewed and revived.
My problems still plague me, but answers will come.
I have the SOLUTION ... the real problem's gone.
I knew something was wrong with me,
I knew not what it was.
But, even if I never know,
I know the One Who does.
Tonight, there came a moment,
I gave up on all cures;
Gave up on all answers,
And finally was sure...
The more I searched for what was wrong,
The less the answers came.
The more I tried to make things right,
The wronger they became.
Emotional or physical?
Spiritual...or all of these?
Everyone had different views,
But none of these brought any ease.
And after being sick and weak,
Wanting what I 'knew' would help,
Begging and receiving it,
It did not change the way I felt.
This left me so despairing,
With nothing more to turn and grasp;
Confused, misjudged, causing problems,
I turned to God alone at last..
This time, with determination,
Not avoiding all the grief,
But diving in it willingly,
To face it, feel it, feel relief.
And, this time, I did not go solo.
I took along the Strongest Soldier;
Brought Him into hell with me,
To trap it...take it on His Shoulders.
But for a moment, in that hell,
I know He felt my agony,
Frustration, anger, pain, and fear;
It filled His Heart with empathy.
He brought me out, but slowly,
And pointed me so tenderly,
Back to basic Truths and Faith,
And Peace came on me gradually.
I pray I wake tomorrow morning,
Remembering this special night,
Alone with God, Who turned my gaze,
From what is wrong to what is right.

THE MORNING AFTER

Tomorrow's here and I am shaky,
Having stayed up all the night,
Gone to sleep with much accomplished;
God had set my vision right.
Now I'm concerned about today.
Will this newfound hope still last?
With all my faith, the thing I feared,
Was waking up to find it past.
And, don't you know, when I did wake,
Things were messed up from the start.
So here's the test: will I endure?
Or will I let the good depart?
I'm tired and achy, fear attacks,
And I must push them all away.
But not myself, for God is here,
Waiting just to share my day.
My own will is not enough,
To stand against the growing storms,
Dark and gloomy, twisting shapes,
Gaining strength while taking form.
So, I must run to God alone,
And practice what I learned last night;
Take His Hand and let Him lead me,
Through today's peculiar fight.
And, fight it is...but not for long,
The enemy is on the run,
And if I can but trust and stand,
I'll see this fight's already won.
I need more sleep, and when I wake,
I pray there is no further fight.
But, if there is, may I be strong,
And know that it was won last night.